Tag Archives: questions

Between Jobs

I am stuck. Between the comforts of what I started with and perspectives I have now. I am stuck.

Like Bruce Banner in the latest of The Avengers series of movies (e.g. End Game) and the Hulk. I, am, stuck. Between a doctrine and expression of church I like and beliefs around how church should be.

I am stuck, between my heart and my head, my soul and my eyes – watching the stock in faith leaders’ demise rise.

It has been close to a year since I was last committed to a church. A place that I consider to have enabled a degree of peace and stability in my life. No matter how bad things have gotten, I have always had my faith. I could always channel my energies in that direction in the hope that everything else turns around.

So what happens when the very thing that brings you stability becomes the source of anger, pain and distrust? Do you say “that’s it I’m never going back to another”, do you rebound into the arms of whoever will welcome you? Most people do and just continue in their bubble with a new set of connections that keep things ticking over.

For me, being without a church has felt like being without a job. Although being free to do my own thing is good for a week or 3 and the application process (see church search) is tiresome, you start to notice the isolation. Maybe, like my working life, I’ve rarely been without it.  In that time, I’ve seen motivation to engage with that world fall flatter with occasional peaks.

I wonder, if like my period of unemployment, I’ll find something of a dream environment to thrive in again. I wonder if that will be a lasting thing or have the plug pulled in loss of funding type fashion. I wonder if this is a dying of the light inside or a chapter of recovery from the pain caused by more than one period of hurt inflicted by that environment.

Many more high profile than I have publicly denounced their now former beliefs after much questioning. Although I am not minded to denounce mine, I find this period at the cross roads a lengthy and at times, uncomfortable one. As the search continues my observations may yield questions that may or may not get answers. In the long run, not knowing may be fine if the impetus to move takes over. What fuels that? Only God Knows.

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Filed under Faith

Plodding

You’ll never know what you can bear until you fight with one.

Though I wasn’t bred that way I take a slice to know the light is on.

Been decked by my cards so I shuffle around the boat.

Drowning in the blue that the red mist lead me to.

Clutching pearls that swine gave me.

Scorched earth screaming green as new shoots.

Golden boots give tours of their shoe collections.

You’re only good as your answer to the last question.

The fable of favour requires faith to become a fact

I fight with enlightened beasts, it kills me where I’m at

Blind mice testifying of finding big cheeses releases of hope of planting my flag on the moon.

Everything I should have done has been festooned.

Everyone I should have been, marooned by who am I now.

I look up to look up though I’m down.

What now?

 

 

 

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Filed under Just Living

FROM

Image result for journey

Snap chat masking me

What is Masculinity?

His story is mine.

Wheels of the divine?

Magnolia tears screeching

Preaching can’t reach in

Chat rooms and emails

Soul ties and habits

Are they devils or detail?

Masculinity

On the ropes and off the rails

All is vanity

All I’ve got is me

Hands low chin tucked backing up.

Trying to give a

Swing for upper crust

Walk on to the uppercut

Dying to give a

Mourning a mauling

Stabbing at stepping forward

Falling without love.

Ballads and parables

Man of cool to manacles

Just a wailing wall

 

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Filed under Random Poetics

Lament of a Psalmist

lament

You can feel intimate with a militant. 

They seem so real, yet when you touch them, you feel silicone. 

But God said! So their thus said is legitimate. 

Ignorant innocents are impudent kites

Hold on or be hung by string theory

Holy rollers become weed smokers.

Unnoticed, Moses became the Joker

Deleting pixels for their picture a bat symbol, not magnum opus

Hopeful loyalists practice upper lip stiffness as wisdom

Won’t take a knee or comb the heir to the family business.

Live in a dragons den whispering their knowledge of the litmus.

This divine monopoly’s a comedy of vapours and groupthink.

Where the audience is clowned for pointing out it stinks.

Rub sticks and create fire or feel the sword like molar of holy rollers

Code masters unmask the mode of most high and create players to sacrifice.

Who am I?

A born sinner, a dinner, a lost soul to a soul winner that won’t vary the bait.

Space invaders, snipers, rangers marshal the momentum of the naysayer.

Demon days filled with gorillas, gargoyles and goblins are a Lord’s Prayer.

Whose frames do you wear? Do you die or dare? Be a black life, matter?

I see red tape masters speak tongues in monotones like heaven’s got their name on the deed.

With all of these gang signs and storms seen I’m falling through my flaws.

My moorings are unsure and I’m dying to breathe, searching for answers.

If the real God we can’t see, is it because of us or gospel gangsters?

 

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Filed under Random Poetics

Teenage Dream (4RW)

We were apples in fields of Perry,

Our exercise books were the gallery and shade where we ripened.

Your gallant smile garnished my appetite as my heart galloped.

At a chance glance you stirred the meat and the juices, I couldn’t decide between hunger and thirst.

I would have licked your lips for starters, chewed on your garter.

Every note was a recipe and I wanted you to cook my parsnip

Yet I was just fishing and you were already parsley.

We were like onion and garlic when English and Geography brought us together

 

Fondling the fringe of our fantasies in front of our future was a natural hazard.

Playing with the shape of you was the intention but, maybe I killed us thinking out loud.

Forethought and hindsight were toll roads asking us if we had enough change.

How deep were our pockets? Was I ready for yours in mine?

What’s a perfect 10 when you’re in year 9?

We never….so I guess I’ll never…..never mind

It was real at the time.

 

Maybe you were the first brick in a very long road

Maybe we would have found the lost city of gold

Now you’re living on the other side of a rainbow.

My flag is nowhere to be seen.

You’re the pear in a Perry field because I didn’t have the bottle.

I’m not a whine seller, simply a painter of paths.

Our moments on Fleet Street… thanks.

 

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Filed under Relationships