Tag Archives: Depression

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Some days, the world closes in around me.

For minutes at a time, the earth shakes as though a thousand dormant volcanoes have erupted in unison.

I chase after my breaths like a 5-year-old with bubbles on a breezy afternoon.

I am deaf to the beat of my heart.

The sun orbits the earth before I come around to the understanding of my plight.

I am at war with my shadow.

Afraid of fading from view, I like stringing sentences like tennis rackets.

Mantras slip through my fingers like perfect ex’s.

Questioning supposed recklessness I break fast.

Peace is a stranger that refuses to converse.

I silence the alarm despite being raised by a nurse.

Always an episode instead of a series.

The script seems more powerful every time.

Maybe this is what I deserve.

Payback for the other side of me.

Maybe it’s the design for me

Anxiety.

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Filed under Just Living, Random Poetics

Hibernation, Marching On….

Six weeks or more since we spoke, that’s a long time.

Like the last cigarette of a smoker, I promised myself it wouldn’t happen again.

Carving pain with polygraphs.

Painting purposeful positions with pompous palettes rendered me empty.

Empty as the dead sea having seen and read my last rights I wondered what makes me blue.

While pondering the poignancy of strong silences and babbling brooks, fight dripped from me.

Tiptoeing away like the last breath of a beer tap. I dripped

I dripped as the infantry of my infantility

I dripped, tripped and rolled around in my barrel of conspiracy.

Being gassed wasn’t the right energy.

To thine own self, be true or make thyself an enemy.

Infamy isn’t in for me so I found the trending topic that cut into me.

Started chewing on some Emerson and audited my inventory.

Tasting the deep dark, unveiled statutes of clarity

Alas! I march on yet I’m thankful for February.

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Filed under Just Living

Paper Thin Walls

paper thin walls
Paper thin walls
They keep mixing colours
Blending her out
On those paper thin walls
Paper can’t cover the cracks
On those paper thin walls
A doodle draws a whimper
The thought of making murals musters mournful murmurs from those paper thin walls

Passed around like a guest book at a funeral
The feeling fading as they drive away
The whitewash isn’t cleansing
A broken slate is never wiped clean
She is only 15
Miss Paper Thin Walls

Laying bricks, roofless
All her rocks are demons dancing in the sea of safety
Her will shredded like leaked script pages
She’s an over plucked daisy
On her knees she a dress maker seeking out hope like a lost sequin
Wondering where was God when man destroyed the self she’d believed in

Miss Paper Thin Walls pores over scattered bricks
From the many times her box has been ticked she’s an exam in herself
Exiled from affection, ignoring the laws of attraction.
Hands that reach her are fractured to heal her scars
When she’s fully built she may be chasing cars
For now…..she’s in thrall to the casket of cat calls
These travails are an ailment of which no ointment can heal
When she’s fully built she’ll bruise the serpent’s head and heal
She’ll no longer be Miss Paper Thin Walls

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Filed under Society

Light A Candle

Image

They want my mete
Fried liver and cake
I got none so they take
clothes from my back and eat
Tis the one they make
I’m beat
My egg
Hard boiled refuses to crackkk
Sharks want my blood
My stake is under attack
I’m in the black
Cooked by the market
Well in the read
Just not rare enough for black
They see me so they saw me
Can’t slice me so they knife me
With legalities
The poor me pours me
Rich in spirit
Rum applauds me
Brandy brands me intoxicating
Yet they set the flame again
Stand still watching me burn
My brain turns
My two hands open to heaven
Shadrach Meshach and Abednego
My eye, the third
Looks for the fourth man
I am
Staring Nebuchadnezzar in the eye
Waiting for mine to dry because I
Am not at home in the fire
Acid tears spit from my soul
My cheeks corrode in desperation
My skeleton eats itself for inspiration
Love will find away
Blessings wiith my name
This is just a test
Wait and be patient
Are like cassettes to an Mp3 player
Sooth sayers could use sayings
To sooth the decaying
So often I feel too used to praying
Like God wants me to tell him
But I feel vain
Telling him the same again and again
Logic would call me insane
If faith was a straight jacket lock me away
Bills after bills and no money to pay
I write not sing so I don’t blow the roof away
I stay schemin and breathin
Running on steam
I’m boiling my dreams so I can drink the reality
Of Mortal combat
One hit fatality
Resurrect and gain clarity
All I want is parity
Charity I’m giving well
Hoping Karma does the same
Don’t feel me blow me
I just don’t want to sound vane
Feels like I moved mountains with my faith
To see quicksand again
Light and candle for my dark
My heart’s like ripped page to a flame
I pour vinegar in deep wounds so you can taste of my pain
Suffering violence in silence
Don’t mean my mode changed
I’ve just caught something dark without throwing shade

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Filed under Just Living

Unwanted

Sometimes….I feel 

Like a rudderless child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudder less child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a fatherless child
A lone stranger
An embryo

Liquid flames cased in power puff names
Pains engaged to a hair trigger guage
Distorted inceptions and schools of disdain
Encumber my soul with melodic chill blains
I’m lost in ill gains, strapped to real frames
My electric lion flow has been tamed
Trying not to settle, my earth has been maimed
Dying to be a tribute act though I lit my own fame
Scarred with in sense, I stink out the game
My knowledge they deem is too out there for in-game
My mettle’s twisted so I touch my in sane
My pane is transparent and I’m the heir apparent
I’m all gassed up as his history I parrot
I’d snap the neck of every clock for every time I wanna garrot
A strap line that entwines my heart to this brand cos

Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudderless child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudder less child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a fatherless child
A lone stranger
An embryo

A rodent on the wheel of fortune, running
Sporting a back pack of rations gunning
chasing the mirror till it falls off bloodied
To applause and jeers of is that all he studied
chased the pack catching all the nuts n ruts
he swivelled the inflection yet the echo stayed put
he, broke his back to heal men when hell was afoot
yet sparing no change he felt only rifle butts
Bayonets to the gut, enoch’s rivers were his blood
speech, so flowing were his veins
You were nothing but hanging mucus when needed
nothing but a bane so

Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudderless child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudder less child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a fatherless child
A lone stranger
An embryo

Ineffectual vibrations preach wisdom to holed walls
Disrespect migrates, generational roll calls
Keep picking up the phone hoping my garden grows balls
Bog hands noting the viscosity of snow fall
Naked can I handle when the stalactites fall
I’ve got a mouth of stalagmites but no choir on which to call
They’ve got no room for my range I’m just a car left to stall
My bairns bereft of heart set to crawl
Supposed grab life that ain’t even a trip for me to fall
So I scribe symbols in the dirt, scriptures for you all
cos

Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudderless child
Sometimes….I feel
Like a rudder less child

Sometimes….I feel
Like a fatherless child
A lone stranger

A vogue stranger
A known angel
Unwanted

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Filed under Just Living

Midnight in a Perfect World

6am

She rolls over to kiss his forehead
Gentle pecks and sleight of hand to his promised land
His head is awake before his eyes
She is a canvas for her demand of his canonical glaze
In tune with his organ
The thump, thump bass of his heart is in sync
Yet he washes her with a leather embrace
Tipping her chin to perfect their symmetry
Probing each of her breaths with a waltzing touch to her thighs
A kiss like hot towel on a plane prises his eyes
And that….was the first time they’d met

9am

It had been baking moments ago yet he had not smelt the rain
Flashing eyes to this terrain felt like indecent exposure
Engines like rattle snakes slithered from town to town all around
Life forms from which he was like the edge of paper torn rolled
Snowballs and boulders migrated to where they saw fit
As he wiped the smog from his brain all he felt nothing
There he was lain foetal, undesirable as Kafka’s beetle
Spittle hanging from his lips like the annoying family member that outstayed their welcome
He seldom if ever had felt this pain
It suddenly shot like a rocket, mind moved yet body had no chance
See for the sake of unrequited romance
He’d been forced to square dance
She’d claim self defence of her black belt in I don’t want you
Sirens flashing, cash splashed about him, carnations scattered
Blood spattered, new suit in tatters
Was she alright was the only question that mattered
Yet she had gone and so were his plans
She’d done more than she’d needed to,
Delivering her message by force
He was still bleeding too, his heart was not the only source of pain
I’ll never have my 50th date in New York again.
What had been months of affection suddenly turned sour
Only for her exposed infidelity to gain repercussions in an hour

Midday

Pow Pow
Who’s that O the G
A couple of teenagers held up Maccy D’s
Yet THEY ALL didn’t notice
Heads turned like B sides of classic records
While THEY held hands and couldn’t let go
Every word had a unique echo
Surrounded by nothing but a hazy breeze
Fingers locked like keys with combinations
Strolling through the streets like Neon Unicorns
Kissing like a couple newly formed
They were yet he was in school uniform and she
Was in uniform
The world was a hive of privacy invasion teams
Eagle eyed emblazoned schemes of security
Each demanding a level of surety that their needs would be served
That criminals would not get a seat at the table of good nature
That the would be de-served and just given rough justice
Sent to join the club of life just is….
Fair to those who pay for it
Skunk smokers get their high and ball player s and singers get paid a bit
Yet Gotham never batted an eye to this game
They always met somewhere nobody knew her name
For she was the head

3pm

We’d met before
Same office same time
TFT screens flickering like day glow cats eyes
I am jacks need for attention
The sky raises its middle finger ordering me to spin on the sun
Where are you reads the IM
I knew her from the 1st Floor
She was excel spreadsheets and more
I’d not got to spread sheets but I’d opened up her pores
She wanted more of the same
Reports of salt stains on copier had lead to bacon sandwich claims
That was my insurance, this shift was endurance
I could score pants and moans
I was Jacks need for masculine validation
If I could handle hear groans with my raise I could get a raise
Earn more and afford what my wife owns
Ecstasy for a year while whispering in her ear…get me a promotion
While I give this chick the pro motion to unseen zones
Rarely working late this is my office break
Ms Excel makes me tick boxes
We go rough like foxes at it lie rabbits
She’s smoking and I can’t break the habit
Are you coming, flashes the IM again
2 minutes I reply, I will be cause I want to
I am the hunted becoming jacks need to be a hunter gathering

6pm

Mirrors, candles, bangles
Lumps, bumps and love handles check
Sky flicks her hair, summer not yet star spangled
Heck glitter falls lighting her path to her date
This was her time, he would step to her plate
This was fate
She would be lost in the moment of rapture
She would be captured in paradise lost
He would consume the cost
She would be the boss to end the dross
Defrost
She would overwhelm him like a debutant from Valhalla
Kiss him like Daryl Hannah then shun him as the steel magnolia
He would grow to love her and only her
Truth in the purest sense of the lies
He was hers not every girls prize and her eyes
She was magnetised and he would be hypnotised
Her hips, lips and mind would do the work
He’d be begging to on the front line of duty
The damned funk soldier awakened by her beauty
He’d be the one telling his friends shoot me, I’ll feel no pain

9pm

Bliss and tell to exfoliate was the aim of the game
Or so she thought laying on the bed sobbing into chow mein
Watching sex and the city with a bottle of wine
He’d rather date an expectant mum than see this fat girl crying
Could she relive that moment again when those few words stunned her
In 43 minutes and 37 seconds she’d be a blade runner for the last time
She raised a chopstick to a cosmopolitan as with soy sauce on her wall she scribed
To a swollen world
Bruised by the iniquity of confidence without consequence
This is my goodbye, my legacy and stain
Erase me with scalding bleach and remove my gain from your world
Thank you for the lessons of reflection
Now I must smash the mirror of my imperfection
Let me dissolve into fine pieces cos I’m used to be being trampled
My ample is cumbersome and too much handle so let me drown
No longer to wear the tears of a clown
I am no more

12am

Nonplussed they added vigour to the enzyme and chromosome mixture
Subtracting loyalty from royalty bestowed by significants
Whooping tongues filled the air
They were con cussed in the tenement
I don’t care was the sentiment
The pounding of their drums in the forest of lost in me
Was as a penny dropped on a slow roll
Beat up on bruise control having mastered the dong song
Left her putting the O on bong
For he gave her the down load sending her into an audio galaxy and took a napster
He deemed screams rapture as the actress in her unfurled
She became a woman at 11.59 post 69 as her body re-coiled into a curl and whispered
Is this what they call midnight in a perfect world?
Daddy

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Filed under Random Poetics

KIM

F a love life I’m just tryna love life

I’d love to love a woman but the pen is my blood, wife

My pen knows I know just how to rub her

Doesn’t try to call it winter when it’s summer

When my pen gets broody we just make another baby

Doesn’t call me up to kcuf me then say pay me

Doesn’t pump out gay anthems then demand straight soul

You common as muck but ain’t got his universal mind control

Doesn’t let me chase her then claim to be afraid of commitment

Then advertise she needs a man in a social network listing

Doesn’t treat me like the other man when I’m vying to be the only

Claim she want’s me as her only but then want’s me to be her homie

Doesn’t say she ain’t lying but wasn’t going to tell me

That the man she wants is like me but doesn’t spell me

Doesn’t go out of her way to spend time and bewitch me

Knowing my presence will enrich her life more than Tom or Siegfried

This is ain’t white flag it’s a blitzkrieg

I’m a huddle for the scrimmage cos I don’t lip read

I can blitz read, call you out and adjust for the play

Inglourious bastard with special teams joined the fray

See hot butter is my code name

Unclog the clutter is my known aim

Big hands big heart because I catch but never throw game

Bent but never broken, open heart surgery because your soul lame

My pen’s too sick to hold blame, she’d rather burn with the truth

We remain ever young from the ink of our youth

She has bark she has bite, she has fights hard to be proof

She’s no souflle though she spits fire in the booth

And I need no insurance

Just endurance and utterance

She caught feelings like floetry and flaps her wings to my utterings

she’s got so many torches for my heart I call her audi, saturn, olympic cos don’t know where to put her rings

Got drive, gives me space, knows her position

Instead of being like olympic football, some unwanted competition

Like hurling abuse at four terrapins for not becoming turtles

This is my I could never be yours if it’s always me hurdling your hurdles

Only to hurdle your hurdles, turning the air blue instead of purple

My crowning is always verbal till dethroning comes full circle

How you’ve got the hots for me when in my heat you’ve turned orange

Exposed your fake tan, your soft centred like a lozenge

We’re untied by your odd ends roped by insurrection

I put cupid’s arrow in my compass while some use his marrow for errection

G Funk Selection call this midnight in a perfect world

I only got room for one love and my pen is my girl

So yeah I said it F a love life I’m just tryna love life

I’d love to love a woman but the pen is my blood, wife

Listen to KIM now!!

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Filed under Random Poetics