Tag Archives: body

Halfway House

“One day your metabolism will slow down and your appetite will catch up with you.”

“Go to the gym now so that you don’t have to work as hard when you’re older”

“You look OK from the back but you’re a mess from the front”

“I like that you’ve got something to hang on to”

Being physically appealing from the neck down has never appealed to me. However, as time has gone on, despite eating healthy without calorie counting, my lifestyle has impacted what I can wear. In 2017 I was wearing hoodies 24/7 to disguise my burgeoning belly despite walking 30 miles a week.

By the end of 2018, I had outgrown even the new shirts and had begun to wear a big jumper over what I had. I looked at myself in the mirror with disgust and shame. Even the stress of work couldn’t take away from the fact that I was a mess, and I couldn’t trust myself to do a solo workout in the gym I’d signed up to.

I saw that an 8-week challenge was about to happen at my gym (True Grit Training) and thought I’d give it a go. High-intensity circuit training wasn’t new to me, I’d done “caveman training” beforehand lost some weight. However, the Paleo diet they preached wasn’t for me, I resented the food choices available. Heck, this week I’ve eaten cauliflower for the first time in about 3 / 4 years.

The first 3D scan told me I was practically a chocolate Buddha standing at just over 6ft tall – my heaviest in 10 years. This time I couldn’t rely on a messy break up to lose a stone in a week, it would be sheer hard work and disciplined eating. I sought to motivate myself over the long term so I set my weight target for the year and not the program. I also adjusted my approach to eating this time around. Rather than have a specialised set of foods for the purpose of the program, I chose to apply the lower carb higher protein principle to what I would eat on a regular basis.

In practice, the evening meals have been the same mix of fish, white and red meat with rice or sweet potatoes that I eat week in week out. Breakfasts and lunches have seen switches away from cereals and sandwiches or heavier cooked meals.

After 40 classes over 8 weeks, days before my final scan, I am ready to treat myself. I know I’ve lost over a stone in weight, I am one waist size down in formal trousers. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see a crazy amount of change in my shape. What I do see, is a man who is on the right path, a man who has put his mind to a mix of extreme, spinning, strength and other circuit classes. I don’t yet have the body I want but to paraphrase Bon Jovi, oh ….I’m halfway there.

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Filed under Just Living, Non Poetic Blogs

Pistons

Carry me home

Slay bells toll

A maze in this mould, bridging the gap

Burning soles find heaven I’m trying to put my face on the map

Why smash your pumpkin when you’re a sweet potato

I carry me home on this crowded railroad.

Adding carriages can be painful and I hate reservations.

Carry me home shattering webs and fathoming dust.

 

Die? Me?

I rust raging rainbows

There’s levels to this painting.

 

Your stares dress me on fleet streets where you’ll find that I’m a neon pink and lime shrine

You’ve got to be a pupil to see me in more than black n’ white

Oh, you think death is strange?

So it’s not just I.

If life is a cycle I’m here for the ride

 

I’m here to shake chandeliers of shamanic tears till diamonds find their way to their crown.

Is death an emergency stop or a slowing down?

 

Carry me home canoodling setting concrete.

Carry me home crowd-funded by choruses and crashes.

Feed me clashes to comb

There’s science to the magic but I don’t want to know.

As I know sure as the slay bells toll

I’ll just use it to carry me home.

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Filed under Random Poetics

Sailing

FreeGreatPicture.com-1203-sailing-high-definition-material

The ship has sailed, but the sea lingers

Her fingers still fondle my timbers

The spine kindles like tinder.

Blocks shading the so-called rub of the green, my heart beats turn to cinders

When I look into the future and remember I kiss my present with the question.

Why does the sea linger?

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Filed under Just Living, Relationships

Don’t know how

Windows smashed with bricks of cocaine

Broken glass, swept up again

I’m off the latch, my heart’s unchained

But I’ve got no change

I’ve banked on the pain

See I’m pondering despondent ponds

Wondering where I’ve gone

I don’t know who I am

They took my colour – hue of man

Perhaps I’m music – one man band

Imprisoned by woe man’s plan

But I don’t know how …to love you

Pieces of my splintered soul

Scattered round, every manhole

Craters, traps that had me snared

Stealing my fruits, left me impaired

So I sewed new seeds

Though my heart still bleeds

My reflection reads like gutter press

The mirror is my emptiness

You are the answer

My heart sings yes

The rose emerging, from my mess

But I don’t know how …to love you

I am nothing but evaporation waiting

For my chance to appear on your window

As droplets of fire like elements tamed

I am the truth that love is pain

Eviscerating the body of your past would leave you life less

There’s nothing I’d love more than to caress your battle scars and

Lick your wounds as though they were manna from heaven so

I can learn to love you as woe man to woman

But please show me how…to love you

It’s been barely plausible that I’ve been rarely audible

All depth and direction, carefree nautical

Erections from false affections seemed so cordial

But now I’m ready to give my all to you but understand

I don’t know how…so please show me now

I need to know how…to love you

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Filed under Relationships

Bitch Please

Excuse me miss thing I don’t mean to burst your ego

But just because you’re fat don’t think you appeal to negro

That’s not how we roll, we’re not all chubby chasers

We don’t all love to see rolls, don’t love size zeros, forget the haters

Some put out easy and yes they truly be hoes

Just because your sperm donor left you – it’s a not a debt that we’ll hold

You think your culture rejects you for your size you need to be bolder

Stop fronting like your miss independent when you’re just a toad with a chip on your shoulder

Until you love yourself, you’ll be special to no one

Want to be swept off your feet but you don’t need no man,

Get all depressed, start wearing fake sun tan

Show off your chest because you think it’s the best

The hit and a quit brigade will be ready to invest

When it’s the mentally dressed who you really want to arrest

Acting like a bitch will only switch their interest away

If you don’t respect their intellect because you feel a way

Your defensiveness will be offensive and when you’re old and grey

You’ll be repenting lamenting those oh so many dates but it’ll be too late

For the mirror never lies but first you must uncover it

Acting all blind just because the truth is too troubling

Words that are wise to the stubborn are bubbling

Remember the pain of your past but don’t let it govern you

For it wont be a personality clash that stops someone loving you

It’ll be the mask that shows an unconfident lack of love in you for you

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Filed under Race