Tag Archives: body

Halfway House

“One day your metabolism will slow down and your appetite will catch up with you.”

“Go to the gym now so that you don’t have to work as hard when you’re older”

“You look OK from the back but you’re a mess from the front”

“I like that you’ve got something to hang on to”

Being physically appealing from the neck down has never appealed to me. However, as time has gone on, despite eating healthy without calorie counting, my lifestyle has impacted what I can wear. In 2017 I was wearing hoodies 24/7 to disguise my burgeoning belly despite walking 30 miles a week.

By the end of 2018, I had outgrown even the new shirts and had begun to wear a big jumper over what I had. I looked at myself in the mirror with disgust and shame. Even the stress of work couldn’t take away from the fact that I was a mess, and I couldn’t trust myself to do a solo workout in the gym I’d signed up to.

I saw that an 8-week challenge was about to happen at my gym (True Grit Training) and thought I’d give it a go. High-intensity circuit training wasn’t new to me, I’d done “caveman training” beforehand lost some weight. However, the Paleo diet they preached wasn’t for me, I resented the food choices available. Heck, this week I’ve eaten cauliflower for the first time in about 3 / 4 years.

The first 3D scan told me I was practically a chocolate Buddha standing at just over 6ft tall – my heaviest in 10 years. This time I couldn’t rely on a messy break up to lose a stone in a week, it would be sheer hard work and disciplined eating. I sought to motivate myself over the long term so I set my weight target for the year and not the program. I also adjusted my approach to eating this time around. Rather than have a specialised set of foods for the purpose of the program, I chose to apply the lower carb higher protein principle to what I would eat on a regular basis.

In practice, the evening meals have been the same mix of fish, white and red meat with rice or sweet potatoes that I eat week in week out. Breakfasts and lunches have seen switches away from cereals and sandwiches or heavier cooked meals.

After 40 classes over 8 weeks, days before my final scan, I am ready to treat myself. I know I’ve lost over a stone in weight, I am one waist size down in formal trousers. When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t see a crazy amount of change in my shape. What I do see, is a man who is on the right path, a man who has put his mind to a mix of extreme, spinning, strength and other circuit classes. I don’t yet have the body I want but to paraphrase Bon Jovi, oh ….I’m halfway there.

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Filed under Just Living, Non Poetic Blogs

Pistons

Carry me home

Slay bells toll

A maze in this mould, bridging the gap

Burning soles find heaven I’m trying to put my face on the map

Why smash your pumpkin when you’re a sweet potato

I carry me home on this crowded railroad.

Adding carriages can be painful and I hate reservations.

Carry me home shattering webs and fathoming dust.

 

Die? Me?

I rust raging rainbows

There’s levels to this painting.

 

Your stares dress me on fleet streets where you’ll find that I’m a neon pink and lime shrine

You’ve got to be a pupil to see me in more than black n’ white

Oh, you think death is strange?

So it’s not just I.

If life is a cycle I’m here for the ride

 

I’m here to shake chandeliers of shamanic tears till diamonds find their way to their crown.

Is death an emergency stop or a slowing down?

 

Carry me home canoodling setting concrete.

Carry me home crowd-funded by choruses and crashes.

Feed me clashes to comb

There’s science to the magic but I don’t want to know.

As I know sure as the slay bells toll

I’ll just use it to carry me home.

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Filed under Random Poetics

Sailing

FreeGreatPicture.com-1203-sailing-high-definition-material

The ship has sailed, but the sea lingers

Her fingers still fondle my timbers

The spine kindles like tinder.

Blocks shading the so-called rub of the green, my heart beats turn to cinders

When I look into the future and remember I kiss my present with the question.

Why does the sea linger?

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Filed under Just Living, Relationships

Don’t know how

Windows smashed with bricks of cocaine

Broken glass, swept up again

I’m off the latch, my heart’s unchained

But I’ve got no change

I’ve banked on the pain

See I’m pondering despondent ponds

Wondering where I’ve gone

I don’t know who I am

They took my colour – hue of man

Perhaps I’m music – one man band

Imprisoned by woe man’s plan

But I don’t know how …to love you

Pieces of my splintered soul

Scattered round, every manhole

Craters, traps that had me snared

Stealing my fruits, left me impaired

So I sewed new seeds

Though my heart still bleeds

My reflection reads like gutter press

The mirror is my emptiness

You are the answer

My heart sings yes

The rose emerging, from my mess

But I don’t know how …to love you

I am nothing but evaporation waiting

For my chance to appear on your window

As droplets of fire like elements tamed

I am the truth that love is pain

Eviscerating the body of your past would leave you life less

There’s nothing I’d love more than to caress your battle scars and

Lick your wounds as though they were manna from heaven so

I can learn to love you as woe man to woman

But please show me how…to love you

It’s been barely plausible that I’ve been rarely audible

All depth and direction, carefree nautical

Erections from false affections seemed so cordial

But now I’m ready to give my all to you but understand

I don’t know how…so please show me now

I need to know how…to love you

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Bitch Please

Excuse me miss thing I don’t mean to burst your ego

But just because you’re fat don’t think you appeal to negro

That’s not how we roll, we’re not all chubby chasers

We don’t all love to see rolls, don’t love size zeros, forget the haters

Some put out easy and yes they truly be hoes

Just because your sperm donor left you – it’s a not a debt that we’ll hold

You think your culture rejects you for your size you need to be bolder

Stop fronting like your miss independent when you’re just a toad with a chip on your shoulder

Until you love yourself, you’ll be special to no one

Want to be swept off your feet but you don’t need no man,

Get all depressed, start wearing fake sun tan

Show off your chest because you think it’s the best

The hit and a quit brigade will be ready to invest

When it’s the mentally dressed who you really want to arrest

Acting like a bitch will only switch their interest away

If you don’t respect their intellect because you feel a way

Your defensiveness will be offensive and when you’re old and grey

You’ll be repenting lamenting those oh so many dates but it’ll be too late

For the mirror never lies but first you must uncover it

Acting all blind just because the truth is too troubling

Words that are wise to the stubborn are bubbling

Remember the pain of your past but don’t let it govern you

For it wont be a personality clash that stops someone loving you

It’ll be the mask that shows an unconfident lack of love in you for you

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Filed under Race

Letter To My Next

I’m hoping my writing will be delivered with perfect timing
My Body clock says it’s a late storm
But I’m hoping you’re… ready to light me
Strike me
Like lightning
Little hater inside me knows I’m ready to fight me
Step outside me, brush aside me
Take residence and step against the not like me inside me
Let you set me on fire till I’m flashing brightly
Red Yellows Blues and Greens
Open my eyes to your ocean colour scene
So that I can read between the waves and motion
Wade in the water of devotion out from the sure
Find you and float in the real and the pure
I already know you’re demure, conscious and prized
I don’t have to throw lines for you to be caught by surprise
In the rule book of life we may have played on opposite sides of the law
Straight fly we know our flaws, know where the floor is
Love knows where the door is but only shows us the key
How you and I haven’t yet met when we’re meant to be?
All I wonder is how can we decide the main verse if we don’t even know the key
Life writes the interlude then the pre
Builds us through our history and creates our future
Establishes the true you
Defines a true me
Our lines have to cross and bind till you and I become a true we
I’m blind to you but I don’t stroll in the dark
We’re just two mammals making our way to the ark
I can’t say that we will be a walk in the park
Or a stroll on the promenade
Times may get hard but I know you are rich in value
We’ve got to value OUR values or there will be hitches
I want to bless and gain blessings through your riches
No name calling. No bastards, no bitches
Lets communicate and scratch itches
Hoping you and I don’t flee
Being hitched is what its made to be
I don’t say cracked because your love mendeth me
I am softer than concrete you are my rose
The rhythm pattern in my flows
You are more precious than ivory,
I’m tall but you heighten me
You are the nightlight and the sunrise
The words of the songbird my heart is talking through
Blood sweat and tears I’ll pour for you
See laborious minds make for victorious times
The moment we step on love
We just stepped on our time
Our landmines
Lets explode together
Touch the sky as we hold the clouds
Have our eyes look up not down
Dry eyes in the midst of a frown
Already a queen already crowned
Yet I want you to have my jewel, my seal
Hold you like shore is held by the sea
Surround you like an orange is its peel
You will be the only temptress to which I yield
True love only exposes
I bring more than a ring of roses
A heart that you can’t dispose of
The strength to strengthen you all over
To be with you I’ll be luckier than the Irish in a field of clover
Intoxicated yet sober
From Timbuktu to the white cliffs of Dover everyone will know the worst kept secret
Richly in love we are meant to be that
Athletic millionaire I may not be that
Subject of my art you can’t just be that
A mere portrait to expose this poets trait you can’t just be that
You are the doctrine
I believe that
A heavenly blessing I know I’ll see that
The real love in me you unleash that
Coffee and sugar we can be that
Cos we need each other can’t you see that?
Unstoppable force meets the immovable object
To me I hope you don’t object as we court
Play ball and enjoy the heat
Love never needs to beat, compare or compete
As long as we have love, friends and family
Faith, harmony in the sanctity of matrimony
No games geared towards getting paid via alimony
Baby and then a divorce
I’m in this for life even if times we stray off course
See life is life but on judgment day when I give that account for all
I want God and all of heaven to know
I was proud on earth to have been
Yours faithfully

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