Tag Archives: Anxiety

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Some days, the world closes in around me.

For minutes at a time, the earth shakes as though a thousand dormant volcanoes have erupted in unison.

I chase after my breaths like a 5-year-old with bubbles on a breezy afternoon.

I am deaf to the beat of my heart.

The sun orbits the earth before I come around to the understanding of my plight.

I am at war with my shadow.

Afraid of fading from view, I like stringing sentences like tennis rackets.

Mantras slip through my fingers like perfect ex’s.

Questioning supposed recklessness I break fast.

Peace is a stranger that refuses to converse.

I silence the alarm despite being raised by a nurse.

Always an episode instead of a series.

The script seems more powerful every time.

Maybe this is what I deserve.

Payback for the other side of me.

Maybe it’s the design for me

Anxiety.

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Filed under Just Living, Random Poetics

La La

Lost and alone

Dog with a bone

The reflection has shaken me

Stirring my mojo into a molotov

I burn with indecision

 

Happy moments stolen like penny sweets

What am I buying?

Finding fallacies in forever

Planning orchards, cursing thorns

Am I alive until the death of a rose?

 

Turbulence framed as trivial recruiting

Meteoric melancholia manifests

Poker handshakes and chess kisses

Clandestine hope in bloom resides

Indifference wrestling lasts another round

 

Lost and alone in deeper waters

The tide of good fortune is in

Chewing all that rests before me

Standing to ponder the scale of my win

 

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Filed under Just Living, Relationships

Rain of the Damned (Collab w/ Destiny Equality)

You make me nervous with emotions
that have my head spinning
love is quickening like an overdue foetus within my womb
labour pains from insanity clinging to dear life now
you call me an emotional leach a puppy begging for scraps
something synonymous with the clap
scabs come from fine g owning up to my faults
i don’t bargain with the devil even if i am evil according to her
these hurt feelings go deeper and i can’t be found
for me i am too far gone 2b proud even if the volume is loud
~
You sliced open my vein with your vanity
The cult of insanity panic filled piety
Anemic desires ride the wave of my red cells
No white flag for this war of contrition
Iambic bells ring in my grey matter colouring my meter
Sheltering my necrosis,
My cries peter out for the hand that beats me as it feeds me
I’m a fiend for the fight and bite
Can’t always be a designer light
I yearn for a refining sight, an injection of a lighter plight
A flight of fantasy with out plans to dismantle me
So many spit bars, simply to manhandle me
Am I star or just a rock passed around by the bulls
Precipitating lakers I burn from the glare of green and red eyes

~
I am impaled with hurt feelings angels with tainted wings
tainted stains of embezzlement there is no turning back
there is no justice always orders of chaos eons go onward
that seem appealing unimportant non withstanding
mentalities that are as strong as lizards tongues
small changes and frail refrains what have i become
since vanity is my defaulting reality players become revolting
after all snitches get there throats slashed
and nice guys finish last
some can exacerbate on this
here fate which is tainted with hate
make sure when you come
come correct i expect these feelings to endure
its a war of words a heart unheard
kicking rocks at dirt with measured worth
spurts of rainbows become halos with flames exploding
eroding the essence of expression second guessing
what we wrap around the truth

~
Yet your lies stand up ass straight in a bed of knives
Cut in the dead of nights cursing the day break
Me off at the roots cos all I have is black thoughts
Rolling like credits through my movements end game
They mutter like hidden scenes, their refrain is in their pen game
Breaking the rules of pengagement its time I married the sonic boom
Got some guile in this moment to break the legions of doom
It’s like I’m wrestling a butterfly with a lizard tongue that only wants to kiss me
I long to bloom without the act of diss me till I miss me

~
there is a tidal wave of purging
asinine regurging almost verbatim
go on an hate on me while i hate on you
i know a jewel you will never have the currency for
the wickedness thinking you know it all
all you do is fall quicker then humpty dumptys walls
think i would get caught up call my bluff
7 years of bad luck don’t combine
with 7 years of no dick
you wish you had that opposite purity
so relationships become cumbersome
just to get an injection of his erection
bitch butch touch the flame is it hot enough
could you distance yourself
some just flipflop through ageless time warps
no recourse in these forms
its always these bad feelings that keep me waning

~
The way your framing this you’re fraying
Random aiming, Donkey braying,
Too much time on your knees but ain’t no muslim praying
Monkey see monkey do so call it Tarzan Janing
This melodies unchaining, remedy’s enslaving
Diana car crash live, my memories en-graving
Yeah I know I come for some
Heart heavy call it cumbersome
Dark mood ejaculation fcuk me I’m a come for sun
Bend it over till it moons make it toss my ballad
Watch green eyes roll and call it tossing salad
You floss, your haggard, drop your scabbard
Life’s a game and a dance I will not be daggered
Murked by your machina muerte
Call it the sound of a mud hound as I sniff out earthly
Pretenders to my place and among the celestial
No longer the bestial
For too long have these kickstands masqueraded as pedestals

~

too much cruelty in this bitchass reality
it sits sourly upon my stomach
too much heartache that can plummet
call it a summit a novelty were used too
love seems cowardly when everyone is nervous
heartless cougars brutally shed tears at playboy years
time is up amongst pyramids and kings
bloodstains on white sheets virgin beats
while HIV runs itself ramped in the streets
its chaos with poetic crayons
get strung along the way love
while players play with guns and shoot
never finding there way to the roots
thinking its cute to hold hostages
its preposterous at this point
but who cares to hear from
dark clouds that fall down
since we all do
hurt feelings…

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Filed under Collaborations

So Anxious

You’ve got me wondering whether you’re thinking of me as much as I think of you cos

I’m feeling you and I’m hoping you feel that same way like a drone bee waiting to mate with the queen

Like a lottery winner who doesn’t believe that they picked the right numbers

Like, I’ve got yours and you’ve got mine but the way we dial into each others sense of self has got a different tone

A different ring, you and I started with a different kind of hello and even though I’ve said many hello’s and been hung up on, said many goodbyes you’ve got me feeling like I’m starting a whole new conversation

It’s like you’re taking me to a whole new school where reading you is the hardest part of my study

To make music like Musiq and be the definition of a Buddy would really be fly yet you’re in no rush to take off

You’re so fly but there are no in-flight instructions other than to be cool as we rewrite the rules of engagement, lay pavements to wherever the you in couple and I in time takes us.

See I know what makes us can break us because intimacy is dangerous, de-range us estrange us, but as long as we remain us we can be us, see us with purpose

I dare you to believe our similarities and differences got me nervous because you’re a mirror image of an inner me present and desired

I’d love to be your king but I’ve been de-sired so often I’m used to playing hide and seek with my crown

So many chips claim to be down until I light their gas for the cook up

When this chef gets the look up you see my ingredients are so raw at their heart

It’s like Remy Ma tellin Nicki Minaj to look up even though she’s got the hook up

I want to write a new chapter, your time I want to book up, put epic verses in your calendar

Invigorate you with a lavender ever be a challenger of your psyche

Show you this spectacled black man has direction, Spike Lee

My system knows you are my Air not sportswear Nike,

I just want to confess you’re my Woman not Goddess yet my Victory

So smoking you’re calling the royal we a hickory infused, literary ruse

Can’t I just be your muse?

See I’m so anxious, I don’t just want a mo’ better blues

I choose to live in the colour purple, I’m royalty in my temple

And this bear in the window is no longer for rental so check out my terms

Remember creamy crack burns so don’t let me in your hair let alone your head

I’m well read so you can explore my heart but don’t burden me, passionately burn with me, fervently take me to the moon and your soul kiss the earth with me.

Release me from the purgatory and see if we fit just perfectly.

Love is a fight club just don’t Tyler Durden me cos curiousity killed the cat but this anxiety could kill you

 

 

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Filed under Relationships

Notes

I’m wondering if my next rhyme will be better than my ex rhyme

Like a villain and his next crime will it get better headlines

I’m emptying my spirit so all I’ve got is head lines

My soul loves being oral so all I’m giving’s head lines

Take you to bed lines,

Kill you with fantasy and give you nothing but deadlines

Call your sanity with my reality and get nothing but deadlines

Cross you out like I’m correcting minds my pen deals in red lines

My life stage is my page I prefer jump offs to read lines

I’m ballin with my tongue, I score cos I’ve lead lines

I see thought and I’m fed lines,I feed folk with my breadlines

Gave birth when I bred lines

I got shot and I bled lines poetic therapy were my med lines

It wasn’t my time so there were no deadlines

And still I’m wondering if my next line will be better than my ex line

Like a villain wanting to be better with his next crime

I’ll be fly but wont feather my next rhyme

I’ll muscle up a metaphor and exercise a flex line

Fill you with a spirit make you think its a hex line

You say anything you lose everything I call it an X line

But if I’m lost in you we might be the subjects of my next line

Entwined

 

 

 

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Filed under Random Poetics

And What?

Words
Strong arms fragile egos
Strong wills weakly we go
In search of forever, hoping my ever
Will design my legacy
Parental past behind eating the future ahead of me
Can’t sleep or eat for fear of not achieving their feats is an unyielding beast
All I got is beef but they call me chicken
Slave to their wrong decision
A victim of their howls of derision
Poetry is the only arena I free think in
Where opinions and philosophies got honed
Where I lay my heart I call home
Dog with a bone I’m not
I am classical hip hop
Expressive, driven message, with purpose
They say money had game but now he played and worthless
Not like I worked less or more
Counting my blessings to try and settle scores
Knocking my head against walls trying to open doors
Kick down flaws
Stay grounded, ground pounding
Stay rounded get my head around the corner
I‘m universal, they’re Time Warner
Everything’s a warning
Virtual worlds I’ve stayed warm in, my reality is so cold
Be bold, be you
They say they people see persona but they’ll see you
Everybody knows me
Say I’m food for thought but I’m so plated everybody owns me
Slated as plated gold see, these memoirs unfold like Dead Sea scrolls
I’ve learnt to float and roll with punches in bunches
Munch my hunches, swallow the bullets
Gotta stop trying and just live life to the fullest
Grow a mullet and be the lion king
Weaknesses I’m ironing
Even Iron Man had weaknesses
Do I need to a beat a leviathan?

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Filed under Random Poetics